Agreeing to Disagree

Expressing our opinion when it differs from the norm is difficult. Whether our thought process comes from experience, education or our backgrounds, the roads we travel to reach our ideas will always be different from others. In the workplace, expressing those ideas, especially when they’re dissenting, presents a huge perceived risk.

However, speaking our minds and expressing our true selves leads to many positive outcomes, such as:

• It is directly correlated with higher levels of perceived life satisfaction.
• Just like any solution, a broader set of skills and perspectives leads to a better outcome.
• Dissent invites humility and reflection, leading to personal growth
• Continuing to work in unfair circumstances kills productivity

What Prevents us from Disagreeing?

There are two major pitfalls when it comes to speaking up, which produce incredibly strong emotions that tend to influence our behaviour.

Social Loafing

This is our need or want to belong to whatever group we perceive as positive or valuable. When we want to fit in, we can sometimes subconsciously adjust our behaviour and will start exhibiting behaviours that make us fit into that group. A common example is by being in a crowd; you start to pick up a herd mentality, moving and looking in the same direction, speaking similarly and adopting similar body language to avoid being picked out as an individual.

Evaluation Apprehension

The second pitfall is evaluation apprehension, which is a fear of being judged that can stop us from participating. Often this is caused by not wanting to break from the social norm and be othered, but it can also be from a lack of personal conviction in who you are, your beliefs or your values.

Being aware of these major pitfalls lets us understand how they limit our behaviour and stop us from speaking up. The next time you feel one of these creeping in to govern your behaviour, give it a double check and consider if it’s helping or hindering.

Having the Conversation: Agreeing to Disagree

Having a negative conversation is difficult, but there are some language techniques you can use to deliver a powerful message.

Leave Emotion at the Door

Tone and emotion significantly colour the meaning of our message and will often undermine our true meaning inadvertently. This has many subconscious effects; for example, If someone likes your voice, they will perceive you as friendly and helpful. Keep your message on topic and deliver it with conviction. Too much emotion will cause the focus to be on how you said it and not what you said.

Determine if they’re Acting in Good or Bad Faith

Unfortunately, not every conversation comes from a good place of respect, civility and consideration. Before spending your energy to engage, consider if who you are talking to is really interested in a resolution. The best ways to figure this out are:

• Do they consider only themselves and how things will reflect on them
• Or do they consider the team and the task at hand first and foremost
• Raw honesty and respect are great indicators of someone acting in good faith.

Address your Natural Apprehension

Apprehension to disagree is normal and natural. The best way to cut through it is by:

• Cultivating an environment where dissent is invited
• Letting leaders express humility and acknowledgement of newer ideas
• Allowing people time to express their disagreements in less public settings

We all have a tendency to conflate speaking out with being selfish, but it is often the opposite. Staying silent and robbing others of a solid and informed perspective leads to worse outcomes overall, both in terms of product and team building.